Honesty is something which I value very highly. I understand that we all embellish stories from to time to time or that we often need to choose the more sensitive route when dealing with those whom we love, however, I tend to become really irritated when people avoid being honest just because it makes their life a little easier. As much as I value honesty, I dread cruelty and brutality. However, I have realised that, for some time in my life, I really prided myself on being brutally honest. Being brutally honest was like a badge of honour. I wore that badge as though I was a boy scout who had worked hard to please my group leader. I was often on the receiving end of stinging criticism for the feedback which I had offered but I could always fall back on my self-righteous defence - "I was only being honest" or even " Why did you ask for my opinion if you didn't want to hear the truth”. It was only after a period of reflection that the truth really dawned on me.
My first reaction to this insight was to adopt a defensive position. However, once the idea had sunk in, I realised that I had, on several occasions, really enjoyed the brutality with which I had offered my feedback. Yes, the feedback which I offered may well have been factually correct but there were better ways to deliver it. I have, by being brutally honest, caused some hurt and upset to others. In most cases, no long-term harm was done but in some cases bridges were burned. I now know that I could have been more sensitive to the needs of others. I see it as a sign of maturity that I have now come to this realisation and I now strive to be more sensitive.
In recent times, when I am about to be brutally honest, I ask myself "Is this feedback motivated by honesty or brutality? This heightens my awareness and leads me to choose the more sensitive option. I don’t always catch myself before I express myself, but due to becoming more aware, I tend to quickly identify when I have been brutally honest and take action to remedy the situation.
Brutal honesty can be a form of passive aggressive problem. You can learn to tackle this problem with out guide to
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