Are you angry because you are too nice?

Have you ever been told that you are a really nice person?

And yet, there are times when you have been told that you are too angry, have anger issues etc.

Most people have because as human beings, we experience the full range of emotions, and exhibit the full range of behaviours.

Different situations call for different behaviours and of course, they don’t always get the behaviour that they called for.

If you are someone who gets angry or hostile too easily, have you ever considered that it might be because you are too nice?

Anger Management Handbook

Enjoy open, honest and mutually beneficial realtionshps when you learn to free yourself from the grip of anger.  


Learn powerful strategies to manage your anger and build better relationships with 'The Anger Management Handbook'.

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The problem of ‘too nice’

As strange as it may seem there are those in life (myself included) who experience anger issues because we are too nice to others, and not nice enough to ourselves.

When you find yourself in a new situation, you want to make a good impression on the new people you meet.

That is not an issue.

But how far you are willing to go to make a good impression may be an issue.

As you go beyond what can reasonably be expected from you, you create two types of expectations.

1. What they are going to expect from you from here on out

Maybe you have noticed that your boss expects more from you than she does from your colleagues even though you work at the same level for the same pay. Think back to when you started. Were you too eager to impress? Did you go beyond what was required? Your colleagues probably didn’t. Now you are both expected to work to the level you demonstrated at the outset.

You get angry because more is expected of you – because you were too nice.

I once got angry with a friend who told me that he thought I was great because I was always there when he needed me. The problem was that he was never anywhere to be seen when he didn’t need me. I was just a dumping ground for his problems but when he was in good form he wanted to leave his problems  (which now lay with me) behind him.

I was angry because I had been too nice and I had trained him to treat me like that.


2. What you expect from them

Have you ever been in a relationship where you were putting all the effort in? At the start, you set out to impress and show how wonderful you are but now that ‘wonderful’ is taken for granted. Your partner expects a lot from you but does not have the same expectations of themselves.

Of course, you expect them to put as much effort in as you do and when they don’t you get angry. The problem isn’t them as they are just accepting what you are offering freely. The problem is that you were 'too nice’ to win their approval and now you are stuck in a situation that feels unbalanced. This then leads to your anger and resentment.


The lesson

I don’t wish to discourage anyone from being nice, kind, caring, loving etc.

These are all wonderful ways to behave.

But they must be natural.

When you start thinking that you have to do this’  or ‘must do that’ you have got problems because it is no longer natural.

You are now forcing yourself to do something out of an imaginary sense of obligation or expectation which you have created.

The truth is that you are perfect as you are.

Be yourself and if they are not impressed, that is their issue, not yours.

Put yourself at the centre of your life and make your decisions based on what you feel is right; not what you feel compelled to do.

When you focus solely on what you feel is right for you, you will stop creating the two types of expectations outlined In this article.

As these expectations diminish, so too will your anger.

Anger Management Handbook

Enjoy open, honest and mutually beneficial realtionshps when you learn to free yourself from the grip of anger.  


Learn powerful strategies to manage your anger and build better relationships with 'The Anger Management Handbook'.

Anger Management Handbook ebook png