I often say that if excuses were currency, we would all be millionaires. And, I mean it. I am as guilty as anybody when it comes to excuses. Today, I want to talk to you about excuses as they relate to confidence and communication. I regularly receive emails from readers who are seeking my advice. They tend to give me a great deal of detail. Even though there is a great deal of personal bias in their accounts; the appropriate action is usually obvious. It is usually something that is very simple but they take comfort in excuses and when I ask them if they have considered the appropriate action, I get another tale of woe to explain why they couldn’t possibly do it.
Negative to Positive
Objectively assessing your outcomes allows you to view the past with a greater sense of positivity and realism. Setting you free to live positively in the present.
I am not trying to belittle those who have found confidence and communication difficult because I have been through both issues myself. However, it is imperative that I highlight the fact that when you take comfort in excuses, you are playing your part to keep yourself in the situation which you really want to change.
Common excuses
The following are just a few of the stories I hear from people who take comfort in excuses rather than take action to improve their situation.
1. It’s in my DNA
Confidence and communication are not matters of DNA. They are not passed from one family member to another through genetics. They are skills which you can improve through learning, practice, implementation and feedback. But you must be willing to make the effort. You were not born to be a poor communicator or to lack confidence.
Where you begin is not where you end up unless you choose to stand still. No more excuses!
2. It’s my upbringing
I know that I learned anxiety and passive aggressive behaviour from my father. However, picking up these bad habits (and they are habits) does not mean that they must be kept for the rest of my life. I have worked hard in recent years to deal with both problems and while the issues may not be fully resolved; I have made great progress and suffer with them far less than I did before.
Where you begin is not where you end up unless you choose to stand still. If you end your life with the exact same weaknesses with which you began it; that cannot be blamed on your upbringing. It is you who chose to do nothing about these issues despite being fully aware of them.
If you picked up bad habits around communication and confidence during your childhood; acknowledge them and tackle them. If you need help to overcome these issues; seek help but be assured that as long as you have these issues, it is you who is choosing to keep them.
Negative to Positive
Objectively assessing your outcomes allows you to view the past with a greater sense of positivity and realism. Setting you free to live positively in the present.
3. It’s going to be difficult
I have used this excuse far too many times in my life. It is only in recent times that I have come to realise that this excuse is probably the most ridiculous excuse of all. Because, if you really want to change something; the situation is already very difficult. Is striving to improve the situation going to make it any more difficult?
If you haven’t tried to make the necessary changes, then you don’t have any evidence to back up your claim that it is going to be difficult. And, if it is going to be difficult; at least it is useful suffering i.e. you are suffering in the short-term for a long-term gain.
If you lack confidence and/or communication skills, you are already suffering. As the late Wayne Dyer would say; if you are going to suffer it might as well be useful suffering. So, stop taking comfort in excuses and start taking action to overcome these issues.
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Conclusion
It is human nature to wan to improve your situation in life. But you can rarely do it without putting some effort in. You need to have commitment and dedication to your cause i.e. what you are trying to improve. Taking comfort in excuses is the easy way out. You may think that you are saving yourself from pain and suffering and but the reality is that you are choosing to extend your pain and suffering. You are already unhappy in your situation and as long as you take comfort in excuses, you are choosing to continue in that situation. The problem is not your DNA or your upbringing. The problem is you and the choices you make. The first change you need to make is to stop taking comfort in excuses and start taking positive action towards improving your life.