​This week, my friend was asked to provide feedback on a project. The request came from the project leader. As soon as he had delivered the feedback, he realised that she did not really want to receive it. The feedback was dismissed immediately without being given any consideration.Since his discussion with the project leader, 2 people have announced that they are leaving the project. Still, the project leader has shown no intention of accepting or acting upon the feedback. Not all feedback is accurate or actionable but when you have 3 people raise the issue and 2 leave the project in a short period of time; alarm bells should be ringing. Sadly, when people ask for feedback, they often do not want to hear the truth, they are only looking for reinforcement of their beliefs and opinions.

​It reminds me of a parable by Anthony De Mello from his book "The Song of the Bird":

Enter first applicant.

"You understand that this is a simple test we are giving you before we offer you the job you have applied for?"

"Yes."

"Well what is two plus two?"

"Four."

Enter second applicant.

"Are you ready for the test?"

"Yes."

"Well what is two plus two?"

"Whatever the boss says it is."

The second applicant got the job.

Do you want to be told the truth or do you want to be told what you would like to hear? One will help you to improve your situation while the other will boost your ego. The choice is yours!

If you want to hear the truth; here are 5 tips to help you get the most from feedback:

1. Be Sincere - Only ask for feedback if you really want to hear the truth.
2. Determine the issue - Have the other person explain, in detail, exactly what the issue is. Probe and clarify until you are sure that you are on the same page.
3. Understand the consequences - It is important to know why the issue is an issue for them. Also, take time to understand the consequences of doing nothing.
4. The way forward - together with the other person, discuss options for rectifying the issue and moving forward.
5. Reflect - Allow time to consider your options and decide the best course of action. Whether you choose to make changes or not take the opportunity to explain your decision to the other person and thank them for their feedback.

It is easy to say you want feedback but unless you have clear values which place importance on honesty, integrity and respect for the rights of others, you will never truly appreciate feedback. You can discover your values with Values Based Living.

How do you make the most of feedback?